Hello, helllooo, hellloooo. Is there anyone out there? I did a couple updates after giving birth back in September about my health etc. I’m still not 100% and it appears it may be awhile before I feel like myself again. My husband kept telling me he thought I was dealing with a little postpartum anxiety but I didn’t believe him. Or I guess I didn’t want to believe him. I have always been in control of my emotions and thoughts. I was always able to reason things out and not worry about things out of my control. But now. I don’t even know how to describe it. One little thought and my mind takes off to a bad place. I worry about my health, my kids, our finances. You name it, I’m stressing out about it! Social media and this blog too. I came to a point a couple weeks ago where I couldn’t post any photos I took. I was afraid that my pictures weren’t good enough, my kids weren’t wearing cute enough clothes or my counters were too ugly. What!? Ok, yes my counters are ugly but that is beside the point. I was spiraling and finally decided to make an appointment with my OB. She confirmed my husband’s diagnosis and believes hormones are the culprit. She gave me a few options and wants me to speak to a mental health specialist. So far I’ve been too scared to call and make an appointment. I know I need to. Maybe today is the day? I have physical side effects of anxiety as well. Eye twitches, headaches, uncontrollable shaking, rapid heart rate and shortness of breath to name a few. Literally everyday before my diagnosis I thought I was either going crazy or dying. Not a fun way to live life with a newborn and a toddler!
I decided to start sharing more on Instagram again and I plan on blogging more. I want to share our potty training journey. I’m so proud of my girl! I need a place to be myself and sharing our journey here has always been fun for me. I need to get back to that place. If you’re still with me and reading this – thank you! If you’ve dealt with postpartum anxiety I’d love to hear from you. Just knowing I’m not alone is a huge relief.
These photos have nothing to do with this post but here’s a few from the last week…